I have been wondering lately why blogging is so difficult for me. I have always liked to write from diary entries to academic articles to letters and newspaper texts. I have time and making jewellery inspires me. So why the difficulty to log in a write a blog post?
I don't have an easy answer to that but one possible reason that comes to mind is the publicity of blogging. Anyone can read a blog that is online. Diary entries and letters, in other words, personal texts, have always been for the eyes of one or two persons. Academic articles and newspaper texts have wider audiences but they are always about a specific topic and there is nothing personal in them. Blog texts, however, are public and meant to be read by as many people as possible. (Not counting closed accounts or closed posts only a select few can view, of course.)
As a rule, I don't have a problem with people reading my blog - certainly not - nor do I consider myself an extremely private person. But, during the past years and their difficulties, I have become isolated from most people, events and anything social, really. It has been my choice and partly, an involuntary consequence. When my burnout was still untreated, I wasn't able to handle anyone needing anything from me. To this day, my need to be alone and undisturbed has yet to pass. I am better now, to some extent, but I still feel a need to control if and when I communicate with people. Even on Facebook, where I spend several hours a day on most days, I often just read and click rather than type anything. It feels like a strain somehow. Sometimes I have difficulty answering messages. I rather lurk.
As days pass and writing a blog post seems almost unbearable, I'm starting to believe there is truth to that thought. Maybe my burnout and its effects have made me a more private person and someone that does not volunteer to share things about her life with others. Jewellery is not a typically personal topic, you might say. But for me, it is. I started to make it a few years ago, when my healing process was more unfinished than it is today. It started on a whim, as a hobby with a small bag of supplies and has grown from that. Slowly. In February, when we left to go to Stockholm, all my supplies fit in one storage box the size of an A4 sheet of paper. Now I have two storage towers on my desk and drawers full of chains and parts and such. My jewellery has gone with me to Stockholm, Kokkola and Helsinki. I make it almost every day and certainly think about it daily. I order things online for it and think of new ideas at all times of the day. I talk about it with my spouse, my family and friends. I post photos on Facebook and in this blog. It is a big part of my life and, as such, it is something personal for me. It has helped me and inspired me and given me some sense of a purpose. It has given me the feeling, ever so slightly, that I am good at something. That previously familiar feeling hasn't been around since I had my burnout and left the university. After all, what can one be good at if one doesn't work? Work defines us more than I would like to admit and it was always the way to feel good about myself. I knew I was good at what I did and I needed that feeling. Now, after four years, the university and my work there have been - to some extent - replaced by making jewellery. What could be more important, than the thing that makes you feel like you are good at something? The thing that helps you maintain a sense of worth and some self-esteem? Not many things come to mind.
As I write this, I have this small voice in my head telling me to edit, to not post this. It tells me I am sharing too much and being too open. Perhaps. But instead of listening to it I am going to click the "Publish" button before I change my mind. I think I needed to say this out loud, and I did, so I might share, as well. If anyone has a comment, a thought or a question, I would love to hear it.
25.9.2012
16.9.2012
Salaisia ystäviä ja outoja pöpöjä
Olen viimeisen viikon aikana ollut melkeinpä kokonaan poissa korupöydän äärestä. Viime sunnuntaina myöhään tuli sellainen selittämätön huono olo. Tuntui kuumeiselta, teki pahaa, puhti katosi. Olo helpotti yön aikana eikä herätessä ollut niin kurja olo, mutta se pentele palasi ja iltapäivällä nukahdin kun piti suunnata kaupungille. Raahustin kaupungille myöhemmin kuin oli ollut tarkoitus, ja sieltä sitten asioiden kautta illanviettoon myöhässä.
Illanvietossa ystävä kertoi omasta "ollako vai eikö olla" -flunssastaan: välillä olo on kurja ja välillä tuntee itsensä terveeksi. Kuulostipas tutulta, etenkin kun taas tiistaina oli kamala olo vaikka edellisiltana tuntui jo helpottavan. Inspiraatio karttaa tuollaista oloa, joten käytin aikani pääsääntöisesti nukkumiseen ja torkkumiseen oikeastaan tähän loppuviikkoon asti. Nyt sitten perjantaina olin liikenteessä ja kävin hakemassa muun muassa korutarvikepakettini postista. Ihania uusia juttuja tuli! Tein niistä muun muassa pöllökorusettejä. Niistä lisää joskus toiste!
Huonon oloni lisäksi tekemistä ja ajanvietettä on ollut salaisten ystävien kanssa. Eräässä Facebookin kirppisryhmässä oli postaus tuossa kesällä, jossa pyydettiin ihmisiä mukaan salaisen ystävän rinkiin. Sivuutin sen ensin, mutta myöhemmin luin koko postauksen ja kiinnostuin asiasta. Minulla on aikaa ja tykkään pakkailla ja lähetellä juttuja. Ja kuka nyt ei lahjoja tykkäisi saada! Päätin osallistua ja kirjoitin ohjeiden mukaisen kommentin ketjuun. Kommentin keskeinen osa oli niin kutsuttu tykkäyslista, johon piti luetella mahdollisimman paljon asioita, joista tykkää. Oli jotenkin vaikeaa alkaa suorilta luettelemaan mieluisia asioita, mutta muiden listoista oli onneksi apua.
Rinki pääsi käyntiin ilmoittautumisajan päätyttyä. Saimme ringin vetäjältä viestin, jossa olivat ensimmäisen oman salaisen ystävämme tiedot. Kirjoitin tykkäämiset ja osoitetiedot paperille ja suuntasin keskustaan ostoksille. Lahja oli suht helppo keksiä vaikka ystäväni tykkäsikin melko pitkälle eri asioista kuin minä. Ostettavan osan lisäksi suunnittelin hänelle korun, joka sopi mielestäni hyvin tykkäyslistassa lueteltuihin asioihin. Sitten vain paketti postiin ja odottelemaan palautetta. Suuri osa homman viehätyksestä tulee antamisesta: on kiva kuulla mitä ystävä on tykännyt lahjastaan.
Innostuin ensimmäisestä salaisen ystävän ringistä sen verran, että kun kuulin ringin vetäjän juuri aloittamasta ryhmästä, liityin siihen heti. Nyt olen sitten osallistunut kaikenkaikkiaan neljään rinkiin: kirppisryhmän rinkiin, elokuun rinkiin sekä syyskuun teema- ja yleisrinkeihin. Lahjojen miettiminen ja hankkiminen on mukavaa hommaa kuten myös muiden kuvien ihastelu. Tykkäyslista kasvaa ja muuttuu koko ajan ja kuvakollaaseja on hauskaa väkertää. Lisäksi ryhmässä käydään mielenkiintoisia keskusteluja ja höpötetään vähän vaikka mistä asiasta. Aikaa toki tämä harrastus vie, mutta pääsääntöisesti vain ringin alettua, tässä lahjojenlähetysvaiheessa. Nyt kun olen omat lahjani lähettänyt - ja saanutkin - voin vain katsella sivusta ja odottaa ystävieni reaktioita.
Nämä tämän kirjoituksen kuvat on muuten otettu ihkauudella kamerallani! Tilasin sen alkuviikosta Netanttilasta ja sain hakea jo eilen Anttilasta kaupungilla hiihtäessäni. Lauantai onkin mennyt uudella lelulla leikkiessäni, kuten siippa asian ilmaisi. Olen kuvannut näiden lahjojen lisäksi melkoisen kasan kuvausta odottaneita koruja sekä ylimääräisiä korutarvikkeita, jotka laitoin myyntiin Käsityökirppikselle.
Kukaan ei sitten huomaa mihin aikaan tämä kirjoitus on julkaistu, eihän?
Illanvietossa ystävä kertoi omasta "ollako vai eikö olla" -flunssastaan: välillä olo on kurja ja välillä tuntee itsensä terveeksi. Kuulostipas tutulta, etenkin kun taas tiistaina oli kamala olo vaikka edellisiltana tuntui jo helpottavan. Inspiraatio karttaa tuollaista oloa, joten käytin aikani pääsääntöisesti nukkumiseen ja torkkumiseen oikeastaan tähän loppuviikkoon asti. Nyt sitten perjantaina olin liikenteessä ja kävin hakemassa muun muassa korutarvikepakettini postista. Ihania uusia juttuja tuli! Tein niistä muun muassa pöllökorusettejä. Niistä lisää joskus toiste!
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| Uusi pöllökorusettini |
Huonon oloni lisäksi tekemistä ja ajanvietettä on ollut salaisten ystävien kanssa. Eräässä Facebookin kirppisryhmässä oli postaus tuossa kesällä, jossa pyydettiin ihmisiä mukaan salaisen ystävän rinkiin. Sivuutin sen ensin, mutta myöhemmin luin koko postauksen ja kiinnostuin asiasta. Minulla on aikaa ja tykkään pakkailla ja lähetellä juttuja. Ja kuka nyt ei lahjoja tykkäisi saada! Päätin osallistua ja kirjoitin ohjeiden mukaisen kommentin ketjuun. Kommentin keskeinen osa oli niin kutsuttu tykkäyslista, johon piti luetella mahdollisimman paljon asioita, joista tykkää. Oli jotenkin vaikeaa alkaa suorilta luettelemaan mieluisia asioita, mutta muiden listoista oli onneksi apua.
Rinki pääsi käyntiin ilmoittautumisajan päätyttyä. Saimme ringin vetäjältä viestin, jossa olivat ensimmäisen oman salaisen ystävämme tiedot. Kirjoitin tykkäämiset ja osoitetiedot paperille ja suuntasin keskustaan ostoksille. Lahja oli suht helppo keksiä vaikka ystäväni tykkäsikin melko pitkälle eri asioista kuin minä. Ostettavan osan lisäksi suunnittelin hänelle korun, joka sopi mielestäni hyvin tykkäyslistassa lueteltuihin asioihin. Sitten vain paketti postiin ja odottelemaan palautetta. Suuri osa homman viehätyksestä tulee antamisesta: on kiva kuulla mitä ystävä on tykännyt lahjastaan.
Innostuin ensimmäisestä salaisen ystävän ringistä sen verran, että kun kuulin ringin vetäjän juuri aloittamasta ryhmästä, liityin siihen heti. Nyt olen sitten osallistunut kaikenkaikkiaan neljään rinkiin: kirppisryhmän rinkiin, elokuun rinkiin sekä syyskuun teema- ja yleisrinkeihin. Lahjojen miettiminen ja hankkiminen on mukavaa hommaa kuten myös muiden kuvien ihastelu. Tykkäyslista kasvaa ja muuttuu koko ajan ja kuvakollaaseja on hauskaa väkertää. Lisäksi ryhmässä käydään mielenkiintoisia keskusteluja ja höpötetään vähän vaikka mistä asiasta. Aikaa toki tämä harrastus vie, mutta pääsääntöisesti vain ringin alettua, tässä lahjojenlähetysvaiheessa. Nyt kun olen omat lahjani lähettänyt - ja saanutkin - voin vain katsella sivusta ja odottaa ystävieni reaktioita.
 |
| Syyskuun teemaringissä saamani lahja. Kiljahdin noista ihanista kissatarroista! |
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| Syyskuun yleisringissä saamani lahja, joka teki iloiseksi minun lisäkseni Nasun. Sticklit on kohta syöty ja pingviini-lelu on saanut kyytiä! |
Nämä tämän kirjoituksen kuvat on muuten otettu ihkauudella kamerallani! Tilasin sen alkuviikosta Netanttilasta ja sain hakea jo eilen Anttilasta kaupungilla hiihtäessäni. Lauantai onkin mennyt uudella lelulla leikkiessäni, kuten siippa asian ilmaisi. Olen kuvannut näiden lahjojen lisäksi melkoisen kasan kuvausta odottaneita koruja sekä ylimääräisiä korutarvikkeita, jotka laitoin myyntiin Käsityökirppikselle.
Kukaan ei sitten huomaa mihin aikaan tämä kirjoitus on julkaistu, eihän?
10.9.2012
Hanging out with jewellery
The past few days, maybe a week, have gone by making and packing orders. The latest patch of photos I posted a few weeks ago have still been bringing me orders. I love being at the point where I sometimes get orders without any sort of promotion from me. Sometimes people stumble upon my photos and sometimes my customers mention me. That never fails to make me smile!
In addition to the orders, I have been e-mailing with the winner of my first raffle in this blog. We have been discussing what she likes in terms of jewellery and yesterday I made her the pieces. I will send them to her tomorrow along with other packages. I hope she likes them!
Today, we took some jewellery photos of new things I have made, including some more Halloween jewellery. I am pretty happy about those skull earrings in the photo below. How well do orange skulls go with pumpkin charms? Very well, I say!
I'm soon off to bed, I have a busy day tomorrow. I'll end with a few photos of my desk, taken today.
In addition to the orders, I have been e-mailing with the winner of my first raffle in this blog. We have been discussing what she likes in terms of jewellery and yesterday I made her the pieces. I will send them to her tomorrow along with other packages. I hope she likes them!
Today, we took some jewellery photos of new things I have made, including some more Halloween jewellery. I am pretty happy about those skull earrings in the photo below. How well do orange skulls go with pumpkin charms? Very well, I say!
I'm soon off to bed, I have a busy day tomorrow. I'll end with a few photos of my desk, taken today.
5.9.2012
On arvonnan aika!
Blogini ensimmäisen koruarvonnan voittaja on tiedossa. Arvonnan voitti R. Seppelin. Onneksi olkoon!
Arvonnan suoritti puolueeton puolisoni ja virallisena valvojana - tai nukkujana - toimi Nasu. Kiitos kaikille osallistujille!
Arvonnan suoritti puolueeton puolisoni ja virallisena valvojana - tai nukkujana - toimi Nasu. Kiitos kaikille osallistujille!
4.9.2012
To my English-speaking visitors
If you see a blog post that is in Finnish, please just scroll past it. Chances are, the next one will be in English. I want to keep this a bilingual blog so some posts will be in Finnish and some in English.
But hey, welcome! It's nice to have you!
But hey, welcome! It's nice to have you!
Kun arvontalaulu raikaa
Ystävät hyvät, blogini laskuri näyttää tuhatta, joten on arvonnan aika. En viitsi näin keskellä yötä alkaa arvontaa suorittamaan, joten annan teille vielä huomisiltaan aikaa osallistua. Suoritan arvonnan myöhään tiistai-iltana. Jos et ole vielä osallistunut, tee se pikimmiten aiemman blogikirjoitukseni yhteydessä. Ohjeet ovat kirjoituksessa.
Introducing Nasu
I started this blog so I would have a place to write about my jewellery a little more. I have a page on Facebook but that doesn't really give me a space to talk about the actual jewellery making. It works fine for posting photos and short updates and such but I needed a place to write a little more and, hence, after much consideration, set up this blog.
Despite my initial reasons for the blog or its short title, I want this blog to be about things that do not fall under the category "jewellery" or "handcrafts". I haven't quite found a way to write about myself or my life yet - for many reasons ranging from privacy issues to "who would want to read this babbling". I don't know where to start and how. However, I think introducing my muse is a step I can easily take. So here goes.
Nasu is a female cat. Her name is Finnish for Piglet from AA Milne's Winnie the Pooh. She was given that name by my little sister who got Nasu from a place called Ykspihlaja in our hometown, Kokkola, in the spring of 2002. At the time, she lived in a small flat in the city centre of Kokkola. I remember going there to see Nasu when I was in town. She used to look at us from the top of a closet, from high up. She was sleek and black and pretty.
Later on, my sister got another cat. At some point, they were both taken to our parents' place and they stayed. During that summer in 2004, there was an incident where Nasu attacked the younger cat and they were separated. As a result, Nasu was taken back to my sister's flat. She had been deemed erratic and aggressive which resulted in my pregnant sister being worried about bringing a child into the situation. When she came closer to giving birth, she and our mom decided they had to do something about Nasu.
They contacted the local animal rescue organisation and were put in contact with a lady who was willing to give Nasu a home. She had other cats and dogs which made us all a little worried. How would they get along? How would Nasu feel being taken away from all of us? I remember one particular phone call where we discussed this and the idea of me and my spouse taking Nasu was voiced. I went to my spouse, trying to prepare myself for disappointment. Luckily, there wasn't a need for that. Soon after, at the beginning of November in 2004, my aunt and mom came to visit and they brought Nasu.
The queen had arrived. After the first months she showed her aggressive side to us. She might attack my hand on the couch or run and attack me when I was walking from a room to another. We took her to the vet and made sure there wasn't anything physically wrong with her. She got a clean bill of health, all labs were normal. We talked about behavioral aspects and ideas for what we could do. We were told to remove her from the situation when she behaved aggressively, to put her in another room to cool off. We did that but I don't think it helped.
We were out of ideas - until the vet suggested we should try medicating Nasu. I was very against the idea at first for many reasons. I didn't want her to have to take something every day nor was I looking forward trying to get the pill down. As time went by, we talked about it some more and decided to give it a try. I don't think we have ever regretted that decision. For several years now, there has been no signs of aggression. Before we did this, Nasu might get upset over a loud noise like a sneeze or coughing and attack. Nowadays, she might not react at all and if she does, she just lifts her head a little and then goes back to her nap. She is calm and had no problems whatsoever when she stayed with my sister for over 3 months earlier this year. She is headstrong and a rascal sometimes, oh yes, but not aggressive.
Today, Nasu is past the mark of 10 years of age. She lives with my spouse and I and spends her days napping, playing with my beads and eating. She loves beef sticks - all flavours and brands we have ever bought her - and her favourite foods are usually fish of some sort. She also likes rabbit and chicken, at least. She has her own spot on the couch and likes to make nests digging her away under the sheets on the couch. She likes dripping water, and her toy with the herb Valerian and wants to be alone at times. Because of the difficulties I have had with my mental health over the past years, the responsibilities of taking care of Nasu have fallen almost solely on my spouse. I feel really guilty about this. I also feel more than a little grateful that I have a spouse who is willing to do all that is related to taking care of - and especially cleaning after - a cat. I am lucky to have those two in my life and I don't know what I would do without either of them.
So that is the story of Nasu and how she became a part of our family. As she would say: Meow and Purrrrr!
Despite my initial reasons for the blog or its short title, I want this blog to be about things that do not fall under the category "jewellery" or "handcrafts". I haven't quite found a way to write about myself or my life yet - for many reasons ranging from privacy issues to "who would want to read this babbling". I don't know where to start and how. However, I think introducing my muse is a step I can easily take. So here goes.
Nasu is a female cat. Her name is Finnish for Piglet from AA Milne's Winnie the Pooh. She was given that name by my little sister who got Nasu from a place called Ykspihlaja in our hometown, Kokkola, in the spring of 2002. At the time, she lived in a small flat in the city centre of Kokkola. I remember going there to see Nasu when I was in town. She used to look at us from the top of a closet, from high up. She was sleek and black and pretty.
Later on, my sister got another cat. At some point, they were both taken to our parents' place and they stayed. During that summer in 2004, there was an incident where Nasu attacked the younger cat and they were separated. As a result, Nasu was taken back to my sister's flat. She had been deemed erratic and aggressive which resulted in my pregnant sister being worried about bringing a child into the situation. When she came closer to giving birth, she and our mom decided they had to do something about Nasu.
They contacted the local animal rescue organisation and were put in contact with a lady who was willing to give Nasu a home. She had other cats and dogs which made us all a little worried. How would they get along? How would Nasu feel being taken away from all of us? I remember one particular phone call where we discussed this and the idea of me and my spouse taking Nasu was voiced. I went to my spouse, trying to prepare myself for disappointment. Luckily, there wasn't a need for that. Soon after, at the beginning of November in 2004, my aunt and mom came to visit and they brought Nasu.
The queen had arrived. After the first months she showed her aggressive side to us. She might attack my hand on the couch or run and attack me when I was walking from a room to another. We took her to the vet and made sure there wasn't anything physically wrong with her. She got a clean bill of health, all labs were normal. We talked about behavioral aspects and ideas for what we could do. We were told to remove her from the situation when she behaved aggressively, to put her in another room to cool off. We did that but I don't think it helped.
We were out of ideas - until the vet suggested we should try medicating Nasu. I was very against the idea at first for many reasons. I didn't want her to have to take something every day nor was I looking forward trying to get the pill down. As time went by, we talked about it some more and decided to give it a try. I don't think we have ever regretted that decision. For several years now, there has been no signs of aggression. Before we did this, Nasu might get upset over a loud noise like a sneeze or coughing and attack. Nowadays, she might not react at all and if she does, she just lifts her head a little and then goes back to her nap. She is calm and had no problems whatsoever when she stayed with my sister for over 3 months earlier this year. She is headstrong and a rascal sometimes, oh yes, but not aggressive.
Today, Nasu is past the mark of 10 years of age. She lives with my spouse and I and spends her days napping, playing with my beads and eating. She loves beef sticks - all flavours and brands we have ever bought her - and her favourite foods are usually fish of some sort. She also likes rabbit and chicken, at least. She has her own spot on the couch and likes to make nests digging her away under the sheets on the couch. She likes dripping water, and her toy with the herb Valerian and wants to be alone at times. Because of the difficulties I have had with my mental health over the past years, the responsibilities of taking care of Nasu have fallen almost solely on my spouse. I feel really guilty about this. I also feel more than a little grateful that I have a spouse who is willing to do all that is related to taking care of - and especially cleaning after - a cat. I am lucky to have those two in my life and I don't know what I would do without either of them.
So that is the story of Nasu and how she became a part of our family. As she would say: Meow and Purrrrr!
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